I can’t say this is the toughest challenge of my life, because I’m pretty sure I’ve faced harder ones. But it’s definitely complex. And as usual, I’ll try to simplify it.
My relationship with my dad was complicated. Trying not to speak for him, and focusing on my feelings, there were times he felt like a friend and mentor, and others where I truly hated him. I know it sounds like a lot, and it was, but it wasn’t just about us.
We lived through the sudden rise of the internet and cell phones, 2001 crisis in Argentina, and more than 10 years of the Kirchnerism movement administration who supported the LBGTQIA+ community. All of this while we were active members of a neocharismatic church. Although they preach, we are all loved by the same god, not everyone had the same rights and opportunities within the church strongly determined by your sexual orientation and behavior and defined by the doctrine of each church and strictly enforced by leaders.
When I went to university, society was still recovering from postmodernism – something I’m questioning now but still find inspiring. People were trying to balance deconstructing institutions with preserving their essence, while my parents were getting a divorce. It wasn’t pretty; they weren’t ready, but they needed to grow. They were so different, and I admire them for trying something new, even if it hurt.
I was caught in the middle. The middle child, caring for both parents who are also learning to take care of themselves while they grow and change. Yes, I thought I was independent, but I always relied on others and organizations. That’s normal, but as a highly structured person – something I’m challenging now with my second album – I depend on routines made by others.
Last year, I met someone who wants kids, unlike most people my age. It wasn’t on my plan, but it made me think: What if I want kids someday? That started my crisis – everything in Argentina feels like a crisis, just kidding – because I realized I wasn’t even a good father to myself.
Finally, I discovered that beneath the labels “father” and “mother” is the same intention: to care for someone. How can you care for others without loving yourself? I don’t hate myself, but I don’t fully love myself either. I’m just okay. But “okay” is not enough to keep my motivation alive. I never knew I needed to love myself so intensely. Love was always conditional for me, but true love isn’t. And when it’s hard to love, that’s when I choose to love the most.
So, maybe I started talking about my dad, but I am also talking about how my country cares for me as a citizen with inclusive politics, how the church accepts or rejects me on behalf of God, and how I finally discovered that before becoming a parent, I want to love myself unconditionally. I am my only child, the one I love most, the one I have always loved, and the one I will always love.
No translation in Español because of the vergüenza.
Something similar / Algo similar
Bautismo / Baptism
Inspiration? / ¿Inspiración?
Soltar /Release
Something different / Algo diferente
VISUAL Binarie
5 minutos 